Some days you just need to breathe and remember God has your back. . .
You know those days when you wake up and feel this heavy dread in your head and body and wonder what is up? My life is good, I feel ok, and nothing “bad” is happening right now so why do I feel this way?
Tears are welling up in the eyes and you blame it on allergies that you don’t have.
Trying to do something simple like reply to an email feels like pushing a boulder up a hill so you walk away.
Numbing out with food to not feel whatever is trying to rear its ugly little (or big) head.
The dull headache that just won’t go away no matter what you do so you try and rest.
You lay down to take a nap and your brain is on super fast speed circling about nothing.
These unexplained moments of heaviness, sadness, anger, and feeling of ick can come from past experiences that you have no recollection of.
The body doesn’t lie.
Today my brother messaged me that isn’t sure if he can visit my father with dementia anymore because he is finding that it is triggering past feelings, stories, and memories that have historically sent him down the spiral of depression. It was happening again. Yesterday August 26th.
I didn’t know this was happening to him until halfway through my day of this heaviness, he messaged me.
We both realized that we didn’t know the date of our mom’s death. But we do know it’s in September. And previous to her passing she wasn’t feeling or doing well health-wise.
He was 9 and I was 6 and clueless as to what was going on and the impact it would have over time. We had two totally different experiences that we remember and yet felt the same way, yesterday August 26th.
We might never really know what the heaviness was about but what we do know is out perspective of the memories is our reality and we have to honor that for our current self.
I wake up today with a totally different energy. No heaviness in my body. Quite the opposite.
I feel alive and willing to have a great day.
The body doesn’t lie and sometimes we just have to be ok with not being ok and honor that.
We don’t have to live there but in the moments we must be curious, gentle, and loving with grace for self.
Much love to all who might have these random days with no understanding of why. Especially sending love to my brother.
Jackie
